


I Could Try

by buckybarfs



Series: Words [2]
Category: Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Domestic Fluff, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gay Natasha Romanov, Multi, Natasha Feels, Natasha Needs a Hug, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov-centric, OFC is a WOC, Protective Natasha Romanov, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, minor stalking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2018-10-14 08:22:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10532601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckybarfs/pseuds/buckybarfs
Summary: Natasha laughed a throaty laugh as the startled woman in front of her pulled a knife from her skirt, “What're you going to do, stab me?” She asked with a smug smile as the woman relaxed slightly.“I could try.” The girl replied, still gripping her knife tightly, she had relaxed at the sight of the other woman only to remember that nobody could be trusted. With this thought in mind she ignored the words burning on her thigh.“It's not safe to be walking around alone this late.” Natasha commented as she glanced around at the broken down buildings around them, the sounds of sirens and dogs barking in the distance accented her statement.“I'll risk it for the biscuit.” The small brunette said before turning on her heel and walking off.





	1. I've Got Friends On The Other Side

**Author's Note:**

> Natasha Romanoff is gay, thanks.

_Natasha laughed a throaty laugh as the startled woman in front of her pulled a knife from her skirt, “What're you going to do, stab me?” She asked with a smug smile as the woman relaxed slightly._

_“I could try.” The girl replied, still gripping her knife tightly, she had relaxed at the sight of the other woman only to remember that nobody could be trusted. With this thought in mind she ignored the words burning on her thigh._

_“It's not safe to be walking around alone this late.” Natasha commented as she glanced around at the broken down buildings around them, the sounds of sirens and dogs barking in the distance accented her statement._

_“I'll risk it for the biscuit.” The small brunette said before turning on her heel and walking off._

* * *

The guys treated Natasha like she was one of the guys, which she was alright with, but at the same time the guys all gawked at her chest and made crude jokes about her, something she definitely disliked. She didn't appreciate being treated like she was just there to sleep with marks, something she hadn't done in years, she was a valuable member of the team. As valuable as any of the others, and even more skilled than some of them.

It was hard being in her line of work, she was never quite sure what she felt as real. Nothing was ever as it seemed as she found it hard to trust anyone, even Clint, the man who had saved her life years ago. She guarded herself closely, not letting anybody get too close. Not having a soulmate made it easier, although she even questioned that.

She couldn't remember having a soulmark but she also wouldn't doubt that it would have been something the red room would have taken from her. They took everything else so it made sense. She had a vague scar on her ribs, one she couldn't remember getting, it was a neat little scar, if it wasn't slightly raised she would have never noticed it.

* * *

As New York worked on rebuilding after the attack she found herself bored, it was the longest she had gone without a mission and it made her feel lonely. When she wasn't working she wasn't sure what her purpose was, she felt anxious.

Clint had been urging her to get out of the city, but she found it hard to leave even when it was in shambles like it was now. She liked being here, it was close to SHIELD which meant it was close to her purpose. Without SHIELD she wasn't sure who she was and she was too scared to find out.

So here she wandered, through the crumbling streets of New York, searching for something. She wasn't sure what she was looking for, but that didn't stop her from looking. She found a building that wasn't falling apart and climbed the fire escape on it, it was hidden by the shadows but had a great view of the block. She hadn't really cared much for vantage points until she had began to work with Clint, the man's fondness for a good perch had worn off on her.

So she sat and observed. The people of New York were funny creatures, since the battle every little noise had them looking skyward, yet she still noticed people not taking the most basic safety precautions. She noted several women walking home with headphones in, a few more jabbering on their phones, quite a few stumbling in heels, and then the few walking with their heads down.

However, one girl stood out to Natasha, she stood up straight and avidly looked around, reviewing her surroundings, not once did she allow herself to be distracted by pulling out her phone and Natasha was certain she could see a glint of a knife in the woman's hand. So, Natasha watched her, she watched how the woman walked in the exact middle of the sidewalk, not close enough to the buildings that somebody could jump out of an alley and grab her but not close enough to the curb that somebody could snatch her and drive away. Her curiosity was peaked as the woman came to a corner, she watched as the woman approached the corner and started walking closer to the curb so she could peer around the corner before turning. With the turn she walked out of Natasha's line of sight and left Natasha feeling an odd sense of pride.

For the next week this became Natasha's routine, she would people watch and wait for the girl to appear, watching her with new interest every time. Today was different though, as she spotted a man trailing behind the girl. Worry spiked in her stomach, she wasn't entirely sure why she was worried for this strange woman but she decided to ignore it as she crouched and prepared to intervene if necessary.

To her shock the woman started singing, loudly.

“ _Don't you disrespect me little man! Don't you derogate or deride, you're in my world now! Not your world! And I've got friends on the other side_.” She accompanied the singing with a little shimmying as she continued down the street.

Natasha quickly realized what she was doing as the now startled man turned and walked back in the opposite direction. The woman had drawn attention to herself without drawing attention to the man stalking her, and by wiggling she had made herself a harder target to grab. She wondered for a moment who had trained this woman, although she determined it wasn't something like SHIELD because everything the woman did was to avoid confrontation. A SHIELD agent would just accept it and beat the hell out of their attacker.

That night when she went to sleep the sound of the woman's voice echoed throughout her dreams, and for the first time in years she slept through the night.

A month into this routine Natasha had to intervene, four men were following behind the woman and despite all her diversion tactics Natasha knew that if the men chose to strike the woman wouldn't be able to stop them. So she dropped down and crossed the street to walk up to the woman.

Natasha cleared her throat loudly as she fell into step behind the woman.

The girl jumped about three feet in the air before whirling around.

Natasha laughed a throaty laugh as the startled woman in front of her pulled a knife from her skirt, “What're you going to do, stab me?” She asked with a smug smile as the woman relaxed slightly. The aforementioned knife was a stiletto blade, one Natasha knew was definitely not legal in New York.

“I could try.” The girl replied, still gripping her knife tightly, she had relaxed at the sight of the other woman only to remember that nobody could be trusted. With this thought in mind she ignored the words burning on her thigh and carefully analyzed the woman in front of her.

“It's not safe to be walking around alone this late.” Natasha commented as she glanced around at the broken down buildings around them, the sounds of sirens and dogs barking in the distance accented her statement. She could hear the men chatting behind them, having stopped as they saw another woman approach their initial target. They were clearly unsure of what to do now, something that relieved Natasha.

“I'll risk it for the biscuit.” The small brunette said before flicking her blade back into place and turning on her heel to walk off.

Natasha trotted to keep up with her, “Look I didn't want to alarm you but those men back there were following you, just let me walk you to the end of your street. It doesn't even have to be your door.” Her voice was low and carried urgency.

The woman looked at her hesitantly, and now Natasha noticed her soft brown eyes, they held warmth and for a minute Natasha got lost in them.

“What's your name?” The woman asked.

“Natasha.”

“I'm Camellia.”

Natasha nodded as they kept walking, they had turned the corner now.

“What exactly do you bring to the table? I understand there's safety in numbers but you're smaller than I am.” Camellia questioned, a slightly annoyed look on her face.

“It's just the safety in numbers I’m offering.”

“Then what? I'll get home safely and you'll walk back to wherever you came from?”

“I can handle myself.” The redhead responded with a shrug.

“And I can't?”

Natasha sighed, her good deed had taken a turn and now she found herself exasperated with the woman. She could understand that the brunette was just trying to be safe but that's the same thing Natasha was trying to aide her with. Not to mention her side started aching, causing her to wonder if she had accidentally pulled something when leaping down from the fire escape.

“This is my street.” The girl, Camellia, stated as they turned once more.

“My work is done then, goodnight, Camellia.”

“Night, Natasha. Thanks I guess.”

She arrived back at the apartment she shared with Clint nearly an hour later, it had been a long walk but she found it to be worth it. Camellia had made it home safe after all. A part of Natasha nagged at her, wondering exactly why she was so caught up on this girl. She had never cared for anyone like this, aside from her team, but that was different, it was a survival based need.

“Why are you being weird?” Clint asked, he was standing against the half wall of the kitchen with a bowl of cereal in his hand simply watching her.

“What?” She blinked several times, confused as to what he meant.

“You come home at all hours of the night and now you're just standing in the doorway smiling at nothing? Should I be worried?” The archer said all of this through a mouthful of cereal.

“I was on a walk.” Was the only explanation she offered.

“Seem to be doing a lot of walking. You got a secret boyfriend?” He asked casually as he watched her pull off her sweatshirt to reveal she only wore a sports bra underneath.

Their friendship was platonic as platonic could be and Clint happened to be the only male she worked with that didn't constantly talk about her tits. She enjoyed that about him, she enjoyed that she could be bare around him and not worry about what he might do with the mental picture later.

“Nope.”

“Holy shit, you met your soulmate!” The blonde haired man exclaimed, his voice muffled as the half chewed cereal that had been in his mouth fell out and landed back into his bowl.

“What are you talking about? Now you're the one being weird.” As she said this she itched her side, the spot where the thought she had pulled something now had an uncomfortable burning that made her itch.

“Right where your hand is! Soulmark! It's new!” He waved one of his hands frantically in her direction, the other still clutching the bowl.

“What?” Natasha glanced down and sure enough, bold black letters surrounded by slightly irritated pink skin was on her side, the words ‘I could try’ in neat writing.

 

 


	2. Ignis Aurum Probat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camellia and Natasha meet again, and again, and again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what? I'm not dead. Hello, I'm back with more gayness than ever. Also, Linguistics isn't my field so I probably sound really stupid trying to explain it, my bad.

Natasha had already gone on her traditional 7am five mile run and now she was in search of a coffee shop that wasn't half destroyed. Her mind was whirling and nothing she tried could make it stop, she had a soulmate. She actually had a soulmate, a real live breathing person who was made for her. It was nearly impossible for her to comprehend.

After searching for a while she stumbled upon a place called The Muffin Top Cafe, the name pulled a smirk from her and thus was where she decided to eat. Upon entering she noticed three things, the muffins smelled amazing, the cafe was quiet, and there was a familiar head of brown waves sitting in a corner booth. She ordered her coffee, and after deciding she had earned it she elected to order a muffin, choosing a coffee cake flavor.

After a moment of hesitation she decided to walk up to the girl in the corner booth.

“Camellia?” She asked, her voice soft as she suddenly found herself shy.

“Natasha?” The girls head whipped up, and Natasha was delighted to see the girl wearing a thick set of glasses.

“May I sit here?” She gestured to the opposite side of the booth, which was thankfully the side that backed to a wall, Natasha wasn't sure she could handle having her back exposed right now.

Camellia seemed to think about it for a minute before shrugging and returning to work on her computer. Thankfully Natasha didn't have to say anything as the waitress came by and refilled Camellias coffee and set down Natasha's saying she would be back in a minute with their muffins.

“Which one of you ordered which?” The waitress asked as she held out two muffins.

“I ordered the banana.” Camellia said with a soft smile.

Natasha thought she might have a heart attack for a minute, the way the girl said banana was adorable. She said it more like ba-naaa-naw and it was the cutest thing the redhead had ever heard.

“Coffee cake.” She mumbled, her voice coming out more gruff than she meant for it to sound.

Camellia cocked her head and gave Natasha an odd look before picking off a piece of her muffin and popping it into her mouth.

The two sat in silence aside from the sounds of coffee being sipped and Camellia typing on her laptop. Natasha vaguely wondered what the girl was working on, but she didn't even have to ask.

“I'm in school for linguistics, currently working on a paper about the study of stylistics. I'm writing about how cult leaders use words and tone to ensnare their members and potential members. I'm also writing a nearly identical paper for my psychology class.” Her smile was sheepish as she admitted the last part, barely glancing up from her computer screen to catch the fond smile Natasha had on her face.

“Why psychology if you want to be a linguist?”

“The human mind has a lot to do with how language is developed and used. Psycholinguistics is more about how people process language instead of how their thoughts affect their language. So thus the two separate courses.” Camellia absolutely lit up when she talked about her career choice, something that warmed Natasha from the inside. She hadn't realized she had been staring until Camellia cleared her throat.

“What?”

“I asked what you do.”

“Oh,” Natasha wasn't sure how to answer, she definitely didn't want to tell Camellia what she actually did so she settled for a small lie, “I work for the government, intelligence.”

“That sounds interesting.” Camellia said whilst peaking over the brim of her coffee mug.

“It's been pretty boring lately, everyone is just trying to recover from the attack. Nobody is sure where to go from here.” That was the truth, the world was in shambles after the attack, the government was practically at a stand still.

“Yeah, it seemed pretty bad.” Camellia murmured.

“I'm guessing you weren't here for it?” Natasha asked her eyes never leaving the brunette.

“I was, but I got trapped underground in a subway station. It was just me and three other people, some rubble filled in the staircase so none of us could get out and nobody else could get in. I guess the aliens didn't think to check underground.” There was a slight sadness in her voice as her eyes became unfocused for a second.

Natasha stayed silent for a minute, she wanted to know more but at the same time she recognized it would be inappropriate to ask. Her mind couldn't come up with a polite response that would steer the conversation away from the woman's obvious trauma, thankfully she didn't have to as Camellia spoke again.

“What about you?”

For a minute Natasha couldn't think of a lie, her job was lying and yet here she sat unable to come up with a simple lie that the woman would believe. Natasha knew that Camellia had taken everything she said with a grain of salt, she could read it in the woman's bodily responses. So, she settled on another small lie, “I was on the street.”

The woman sat silent for a minute before nodding and simply saying “That sucks.” Natasha stared blankly at the woman, was it really that simple? She wasn't sure what she expected but it hadn't been that, but she also hadn't gotten emotional when she mentioned what had happened so she wasn't sure why she expected a different response.

Camellia sighed and ran her hand through her chestnut tresses, Natasha took a moment to note that she had half of her head shaved; a large tattoo covering the fuzzy area. “Sorry, I'm really caught up in this paper but I'm trying to maintain this conversation and I wasn't sure how to reply. I didn't mean to be rude.” She continued typing for a minute before shutting her computer and looked up to smile at Natasha.

After looking at her, really looking at her Natasha could see how exhausted the girl looked, the bags under her eyes were barely concealed by the makeup she wore. Despite this the girl's eye still shone as she smiled at Natasha, the spy's heart was racing as the two held eye contact. For the sake of saving both of them the uncomfortability of the conversation Natasha decided to change the subject.

“What does your head tattoo say?”

The girl smiled a lopsided grin, showing off the dimple on her left cheek, before licking her lips almost predatorily. She cocked her head at Natasha before replying, “ _Ignis Aurum Probat_.”

“The fire tests the gold.”

Camellia picked up her coffee and took a long drink of it as she leaned back into her seat, her eyes never leaving the redhead who sat before her. The intensity of her gaze made Natasha shudder, something that shocked her.

“I'm impressed.” The brunette said casually as she traced the rim of her mug, her eyes now trailing over her companion.

Natasha was used to being analyzed and check out but this felt different, she attributed it to the fact that they were soulmates. Right, the soulmate thing. Was she supposed to bring that up? Did the other girl realize it? Was it one sided?

“It was _really_ hard growing up with your words on me.” The girl hummed before taking another sip of coffee, her soft mahogany eyes still boring into Natasha.

“How do you know what I'm thinking?” Natasha hadn't meant to snap but it was unnerving how the girl had been so good at predicting her thoughts.

Camellia cocked her head, seemingly unfazed by the pale woman's harshness. “You rubbed your side and my mark started burning; I’m assuming yours did too.”

The spy felt sheepish about the fact that she had so easily let her emotions show, stroking her side had been a tell and she didn't have tells. This woman was going to be the death of her.

“My _Lita_ always worried I would end up in a gang because of it.” This was followed by a shrug and another sip of coffee.

Natasha had determined that drinking coffee was a nervous habit of the girl's as she took a sip after everything she said, a subtle way of questioning herself. “A gang?”

“Yeah, I mean, what kind of person just goes around threatening to stab people?”

The redhead snorted at this, she did it quite frequently but she could see the girl's point.

“How old are you?” Natasha wasn't sure why she asked that, it just popped out.

Camellia blinked before answering, “Twenty-three nearly twenty-four. How old are you?”

If Natasha had been asked that question a few years ago she wouldn't have known the answer, but since becoming partners with Clint she had discovered her birthday. One year she had walked into their shared apartment to find it decorated with balloons and a cake, the older man had given her a card with a folded piece of paper inside. The paper had been a photocopy of her birth certificate, something she didn't even know existed. That night was the closest to crying that she had ever come, and that simple gift was the best she had ever gotten. It was part of what helped her feel human again.

“Turning twenty-eight at the end of the year.”

“Can I have your number? That way I can contact you and don't have to go through dark alleys and random coffee shops to meet you again.”

A full belly laugh bubbled from Natasha plump lips as she looked around for a pen. She spotted a cup of them at the counter and told Camellia she would be back in a minute. Upon her return she handed the tawny skinned woman a napkin with ten numbers scrawled on it.

* * *

A week later the two had planned their first date, Natasha showing up at Camellias apartment so that they could catch a cab to the restaurant together. When Camellia opened the door she saw a soaking wet Natasha who stood shivering in her hall.

“It's raining.” Was all Natasha said as she was ushered into the warm apartment.

The home was small, with bookshelves covering the walls and a small overstuffed russet couch placed under the window. An older TV sat on a shelving unit that looked like an improperly assembled IKEA piece. The walls were a warm taupe and family pictures scattered the otherwise empty spaces on shelves.

“ _Cariña_ you're soaked! Here, let me grab you a change of clothes.” Camellia fussed over her as her hands flailed uselessly around the soaked woman.

“I guess tonight isn't the best night for a date, huh?” Natasha asked, a rueful smile on her face. Her eyes trailed over the retreating figure of the girl she had planned to take out tonight. Camellia wore a flowing red dress with matching red heels, she vaguely reminded Natasha of the flamenco dancer emoji, a thought that brought a smile to her face.

“Here's some warm clothes, the bathroom is down the hall it's the only door on the right, you can change in there.” A pile of soft clothing found it's way into Natasha's arms as she was pointed in the direction of the bathroom.

After cautiously walking down the small hall she found the bathroom, making a note that there were two other doors in the apartment, one she assumed was Camellias the bedroom the other she guessed was a roommates. After hearing the comforting sound of the bathroom doors lock clicking she stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, taking in her disbelieved appearance.

All afternoon Natasha had been primping herself, much to Clints amusement. Her hair had been perfectly curled and her makeup had been done so as to accentuate her eyes and her lips. The dress she wore had been tight and black, showcasing her curves in a way she hoped would make hunger spark in the other woman's eyes. Now she changed into a pair of black sweats that had the words “cranky pants” scrawled across the leg and a dark green long john shirt. Her eyeliner had smudged, leaving purple and black rings around her eyes that made her look like she found her life's fun in dark alleys and crack apartments. She used her finger to wipe most of the mess away and searched the counter top for a spare hair tie to pull her wet and now straight hair from her face. She hesitated for a minute before quietly pulling open the medicine cabinet. Inside the top two shelves seemed to belong to a man while the bottom two appeared to be Camellias. There was a can of Aussie hair spray with hair ties wrapped around it that caught her eye, a sigh of relief spilling from her lips.

A few minutes later she stepped out of the bathroom and made her way back into the living room to find Camellia curled up on the couch in a pair of black and white dolphin shorts and an oversized hoodie that said “Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.”

“I changed so you wouldn't feel weird.” Camellia explained with a small smile.

“I'm sorry about dinner.”

“It's okay, I'd offer to make something but my fridge is pretty empty at the moment. Would it be cruel of us to order a pizza or something?” Although the last part was asked playfully a seriously thoughtful look made its way onto the younger girl's face.

“We’ll give them the biggest tip they've ever gotten.” Natasha answered with a Cheshire grin.

“Dominos?”

“Steve would kill me for saying this but they do have some good pizza.”

“Steve?” Camellia cocked her head in confusion as she pulled out her phone.

“Oh,” Natasha realized she needed to watch herself more, “He's a friend, from Brooklyn. He's a snob about pizza.”

The brunette snorted as she typed a number into her phone, “What toppings do you like?”

“Don't judge me but, pineapple.”

“Girl, me too.” The woman's laugh was music to Natasha's ears, a relaxed smile making it's way onto the spy's face as she watched the woman on the couch.

“Are red bell peppers and spinach okay too?”

“Can we get olives too?” Natasha felt normal, she felt content and above all she felt human; standing here in her soulmates apartment while they did something as simple as ordering a pizza.

“Perfect.” Camellia replied with a smile.

Once the pizza actually arrived the girls found themselves arguing over who would pay, Natasha managed to win as she had more cash on her, something that made Camellia stick her tongue out. The delivery boy was given a forty dollar tip as a thank you for driving in the pouring rain just to deliver their pizza, Natasha figured it was just money that she would have spent at the expensive restaurant anyways.

After eating the pizza and watching the first Indiana Jones movie the two girls simply lay sprawled on the couch tangled together, relishing in their food coma. The sound of Kitchen Nightmares played in the background as the two lazed on the squishy sofa, both wrapped up in their thoughts. Natasha's hand gently stroking the girl's leg as her mind whirled, wondering how she had gotten so lucky.

“I think I have sherbet in the freezer.”

* * *

Camellia had insisted Natasha spend the night, not wanting her soulmate to have to trek back home in the cold and rain, after very minimal arguing Natasha caved. The two made their way into Camellias bedroom, it was simple with a soft fuzzy rug on the floor and a few shelves plus a dresser and desk. Her mattress was on the floor, something she explained to Natasha was a preference as she disliked being high off the ground. The two decided to make a blanket fort encompassing the bed. The action of making a blanket fort was simple and albeit childish but it made Natasha feel the warmth of contentedness again. It was just so normal, something her life had always lacked and had been completely devoid of as of late.

As she lay beside her soulmate she felt something she hadn't felt in years, secure. Camellia had fallen asleep, the crude cartoon show they watched not keeping her attention. Natasha smiled as she looked over her soulmate, who was now in a thin white t-shirt and the shorts from before. She lay curled against Natasha's side with her arm tossed over the readhead her hand resting on the words scrawled on Natasha's flushed skin. That night the spy fell asleep with a smile on her face.

* * *

For a month the two made a habit of this, Natasha spending the night almost every night. Even when Camellia had work to do, Natasha found out she worked as a proofreader for aspiring authors, the two hung out. Natasha often wrapped around Camellia, watching television or reading as the girl worked. She had met her soulmates roommate, a man who turned out to be the girl's brother. Their relationship was obviously a close one, one Natasha imagined as the typical teasing big brother and little sister relationship.

Though Natasha was mostly off duty right now she still always carried a gun on her, usually hidden in the purse she carried as she didn't want Camellia to find it and worry.

Tonight the two had fallen asleep in the blanket fort that had never been taken down, curled around each other and sleeping peacefully. Natasha recognized the signs of Camellia stirring but didn't bother filling waking up as she knew the girl was just getting up to get some water and possibly go to the bathroom. It wasn't until she heard a soft thud and a muffled squeal that she got worried.

Natasha immediately jumped out of bed and reached for her gun before slinking into the living room. As she entered the room she flicked the light on and pointed the gun at the man who currently had his hand over Camellias mouth.

“ _Clint_?”

“Oh, guess I'm at the right apartment after all.” The man said sheepishly as his grip on the terrified girl relaxed.

Using this as an opportunity for escape Camellia bit the man's hand, shoved her elbow into the man's side and stomped on his foot, his grip breaking on her as she quickly ran to hide behind Natasha. She wasn't sure why Natasha had a gun or why she knew this man but she figured the safest place to be would be hiding behind the armed person.

“What do you think you're doing?” Natasha lowered the gun and sighed, she was too tired to have to deal with this right now.

“I thought you moved out on me.” Clint answered with a pout before tacking on, “She bit me!”

“She was justified in that.” Natasha replied with a snort as she set the gun on the counter and moved to start making coffee, noting the time on the stove said it was five am.

“Wait, _mi alma_ you _know_ the man who just broke into my apartment?” Camellias voice cracked as she squeaked in confusion, looking between the two spies.

“ _Pchelka_ , sit down I have something I need to tell you.” Natasha said with a sigh as the coffee pot gurgled to life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave some feedback if you love Gay Confused Natasha™.
> 
> Lita - Spanish Slang for Abuelita = Grandma
> 
> Cariña - Spanish word for Sweetheart
> 
> Mi Alma - Spanish phrase meaning My Soul 
> 
> Pchelka - Russian word for Bee
> 
> Also! Originally I was torn between making Natasha or Wanda gay but since starting this story the gay in me has been sparked and I want to do both. What is y'alls opinion on that? I want to make sure I have all of your support on it before writing it.


	3. My Only Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha addresses the elephant in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooooo! I'm back and still gay as ever! I know Natasha may seem super OOC but I promise we'll see some ass kickin' bad ass Natasha soon.

“You’re a spy.” Camellia’s tone was suspicious, and rightfully so. People weren’t just spies, that wasn’t a normal job.

“I technically never lied to you.” Natasha said, hoping she could escape this on a technicality, though she knew Camellia wouldn’t let her off that easily.

“A spy.” She stressed the word spy this time, her tone full of confusion and disbelief. The tone cut through Natasha, the last thing she wanted was for Camellia to distrust her. If the woman rejected her it would kill her, not literally; she would keep going, keep doing her job like a good little soldier, but she would ache. “One of your spy friends broke into my apartment! Is this my life now that you’re in it? Dealing with spies? How am I supposed to introduce you to my mother now? Hi, mom, I’m gay, this is my gay girlfriend and by the way she’s a spy.” Natasha attempted to hold back her smile and the chuckle that bubbled in her throat, but to no avail.

“Why are you laughing? What is that smile for? What about this is funny?” Camellia sounded exasperated. She had really began to fall for Natasha, the woman had wormed her way into her heart. She didn’t easily trust people, not since, no she wouldn’t say it, she couldn’t go down that path right now. Her heart hurt enough.

Natasha beamed at the girl, “You want to introduce me to your mom? I’m your girlfriend?”

Camellia immediately flushed, she had called Natasha her girlfriend, and she had said she wanted to introduce her to her mom. “Well yeah, we’ve been spending all of our time together for the past month and you’re my soulmate. Of course I want to introduce you to my mom.” That seemed like the easiest way to avoid more embarrassment.

At some point this morning Camellia had moved to sit in between the couch and the coffee table, something Natasha recognized as a comfort mechanism, she knew the girl liked being on the floor and liked being curled up in small spaces, open spaces made her nervous. She felt awful that Camellia felt the need to curl up and protect herself, but she could understand. 

“And me being your girlfriend?” The word girlfriend was said teasingly, but there was no malice behind it, just adoration. Natasha set the girl’s favorite mug down in front of her, one with the Honduran flag on it, filled with coffee just how she knew the girl liked it. Natasha would admit she sometimes made the coffee better than other times just to make Camellia feel better. She saved making the really great coffee for days when Camellia seemed down, every other day was pretty good coffee. It was a small trick she used to make the girl feel better, Natasha had started it as an experiment on Clint, wondering if a good cup of coffee could really affect someone’s day like that.

“You’re a spy shouldn’t you be able to get that information out of me without asking?” She said bitterly as she sipped her coffee, she resisted the urge to moan at how good it was. She didn’t want to give Natasha the satisfaction, though if the redheads smug smirk was any indication she had failed miserably and it was clear to see on her face.

“Do I get to speak?” Clint asked from the corner Natasha had sat him in, he was facing the wall, sat behind the door so if anyone came in he would get smacked, Camellia wished her brother would come home and that Clint was facing them so he would get nailed in the balls by the doorknob. 

“No, why are you still here?” Natasha asked in annoyance. 

“You told me to stay in the shame corner.” He mumbled as he thumped his forehead against the wall.

“Sh!” Camellia hissed, “I have neighbors! I don’t need a noise complaint.” 

“Do I at least get coffee?” Clint whined. Natasha gave Camellia a questioning look, asking for her permission. Camellia simply crossed her arms and grunted before looking away, Natasha took that to mean yes. She picked the smallest mug from the cupboard and added just a little less sugar than she knew Clint liked, just to punish him. Natasha knew it was the little things that could drive a person mad, and she also knew how to find people’s weaknesses.

Camellia and Clint were alike in the fact that without coffee they were dead to the world, Natasha had read a paper that Camellia had started before her morning cup and hurt herself trying to understand the jumble of words Camellia had written. But that was something the girl did often, most things she wrote started with a jumble of nonsense, Natasha had noticed her bolting straight up in bed in the middle of the night to write a completely incoherent note on her phone before immediately passing out. That was one way she was unlike Clint, even without her morning coffee she still made sense to herself, Clint would speak full sentences and then when someone responded to him he’d have no idea what he had said, it was a pretty stupid trait for a spy to have but she adored her friend all the same.

“ _ Solnishko, _ ” Natasha started. Camellia never bothered to ask what the nicknames Natasha called her meant she had always recognized them as Russian, but had simply been content with the names, for all she knew Natasha could be calling her an ugly rat. But now that she knew Natasha was a spy she found herself curious. “If you wanted me to be your girlfriend all you had to do was ask.” 

Natasha had called Camellia her sunshine because in all honesty that’s what she was. Before Camellia Natasha’s life had been filled with red, gushing, oozing, bloody red. Before Camellia her world had been aliens falling from the sky, her life had been one without real purpose. If she died it wouldn’t matter, there were plenty people as capable as she was. Her world was dark, much of it secrets, she often forgot she was even a real person. She forgot to eat, forgot to sleep, forgot to drink water. She felt more machine than human sometimes, she often went without when she didn’t need to, just because she forgot she was a human being. 

Until Camellia had come along, watching the woman in the street had brought some light to Natasha’s life, it gave her something to look forward to. Then after meeting Camellia her life had exploded in light, the girl oozed sunshine and all things pure, her smile brought light to even the darkest corners of Natashas mind. The girl fed her, made her sleep, and reminded her that she was in fact human. If she were to ever lose the girl she was worried she would lose her humanity along with her. 

“I’ve always considered you to be the dominant one here, the man if you will. Isn’t that your job?” The teasing words flew out of the girls mouth before she could stop herself, she immediately frowned and grumbled to herself after saying them. She didn’t want to be affectionate to Natasha right now.

The spy laughed, a full belly laugh as she tossed her head back, “My little flower, you keep responding with grunts instead of words, I think that makes you more man than me.” 

Camellia grunted in response her eyes widening comically as she did, she then cleared her throat before saying “That’s not true.”

“Yes it is.” Clint called from the corner.

“Did I ask you?” Camellia growled as she resisted the urge to bite the man again. Very few things annoyed her but she was pretty annoyed by the intruder, she didn’t appreciate having her house broken into. Natasha had mentioned her roommate Clint, but she hadn’t mentioned that they were both spies or that there was a possibility that her spy friends would break into her house. At least none of her windows appeared to be broken, she couldn’t afford to replace them.

“So who are you a spy for? Russia? America? Somewhere else?” She fired off the questions, she was annoyed Natasha had kept this from her and even more annoyed that the spy had kept it from her in a way that kept her from actually lying. She would feel better about being mad if Natasha had actually lied, but she hadn’t Camellia had just been dumb enough not to ask more questions. 

Natasha stiffened at the mention of Russia, she didn’t work for them, not anymore, but she didn’t quite work for America either. Her loyalties lie with SHIELD, and nobody else. “I work for SHIELD.” She stated calmly.

A whole mess of emotions flitted across Camellias face, recognition and understanding being the most prominent. Then her mouth dropped into an ‘o’ shape as she stared at the redhead before her. “Your friend Steve from Brooklyn who is a pizza snob is  _ Captain America _ ? You’re an Avenger? The man in a time out in my corner is an Avenger?” The words came out rushed and her tone was slightly annoyed but what Natasha noticed most was the ache of betrayal. “Why didn’t you trust me enough to tell me?” Her voice came out small, Natashas heart hurt as she watched more emotions appear on the girl’s face. Hurt, betrayal, and sadness were the ones she cared about the most.

Natasha set down her mug and scooted towards her  _ girlfriend _ , reaching out to cup the girls face. “ _ Pchelka _ , it wasn’t you. With you I feel normal, I feel human, the darkness of what I’ve done doesn’t haunt me nearly as much when I’m with you. I didn’t want you to have to deal with that part of my life, you bring so much light to my world, I didn’t,” Natasha paused before correcting herself, “I don’t want to tinge your light with my dark.”

“When the hell did you become so mushy?” Clint hollered, the two had nearly forgotten he sat in the corner. 

“I will gut you!” Natasha growled in Clint’s general direction.

“ _ Te voy a matar _ .” Camellia hissed at the same time. 

The women smiled at each other, both of them amused at the others outburst. Clint had ruined the moment but had eased the tension that still sat in the room. Camellia felt better about the situation, Natasha wouldn’t lie to her, she may not tell the whole truth but she wouldn’t lie. Her explanation had made sense, Camellia still hadn’t told Natasha certain things, not wanting to ruin the happiness that they had right now or scare off the woman. Though the woman was a spy, she imagined it would take a lot to scare her off.

“What was Pchelka mean?”

Natasha blinked at the question a confused look taking over her facial features, before a smile appeared on her face. “It means little bee. You’re always buzzing around doing something, and you’re important like a bee.”

“Important like a bee?” Camellia fought the urge to scoff, she knew Natasha had a point but she was impatient.

“Without bees the world would fall, they provide sustenance to the world by pollinating plants. You are my sustenance, you keep me going. Without you my world would fall.” Natasha had gotten close to murmur into the girl’s ear, away from Clint’s prying ears. 

Chills went down Camellia’s spine at this admission. “Be my girlfriend.” She blurted, it certainly wasn’t the most romantic way to ask, or rather demand, and as soon as what she had said registered Natasha laughed causing Camellias ears to go red. 

“I thought I already was?” Natashas voice was sultry as she stroked the girl’s face, her thumb running over Camellias plump little lips as she said this.

“You said I had to ask.” Camellia responded accusingly, her tone was teasing though and both girls knew it. She wondered who she should thank for the Aliens that had fallen from the sky, because they had brought her Natasha. She knew it was selfish and that many people had died, but if that had never happened Natasha probably never would have been out that night, too busy doing whatever spies do and definitely would not have come to Muffin Top. 

“I’ll have to think about it.” Natasha said, tapping her chin as she leaned back into the coffee table. 

  
“ _ Verga _ .” 

"Can I please come out the corner now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solnishko = Sunshine  
> Pchelka = Little Bee  
> Te Voy A Matar = I am going to kill you


	4. Jairo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha goes on her first mission since meeting Camellia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, no, I’m so sorry that after all these months I return with this. I’m sorry it’s so short.

Turns out Natasha couldn’t have told Camellia at a better time, not a whole month after telling her girlfriend Natasha got called into work. Something that hadn’t happened for months, to say she was nervous was an understatement. She hadn’t been working out as frequently, she’d been to busy spending time cuddling with Camellia. Damn that woman.

She still hadn’t told Camellia, though she was currently on her way over to the girl’s house to do so. The spy wasn’t sure how her girlfriend would take it, she assumed it wouldn’t be well. Since finding out Camellia had clung to Natasha, truthfully the redhead enjoyed every minute of it, loving how her soulmate couldn’t keep her hands off of her.

However, Camellia seemed constantly worried, she jumped at every sound, triple checked the locks every night, and insisted Natasha be armed everywhere she went. She worried for her soulmate, Natasha wasn’t sure Camellia could handle her lifestyle. She wasn’t sure why her love worried so, but it caused Natasha to worry.

She didn’t think Camellia would be too happy about her leaving for almost two weeks, in fact she knew it would drive the woman insane. The brunette already worried constantly about Natasha when she was out of her eyesight, she was like a puppy that cried when it’s owner left. Camellia was terrified of losing Natasha, she couldn’t handle losing anyone else.

“Sit down, I have something to tell you.” Natasha said calmly as soon as Camellia ripped open the door. Her heart sank at the appearance of her soulmate, she looked completely exhausted. Between her work hours, school hours and worrying about Natasha she had found it hard to sleep.

Camellia sat down on the couch waiting to hear what Natasha had to say, from the woman’s expression it couldn’t be good. Immediately she worried Natasha was going to have to leave to go do spy things, the idea scared her.

If her soulmate died she didn’t know what she would do with herself.

“I got called back into work.” She stated, holding eye contact in an attempt to ground her soulmate. It didn’t work, Camellia’s eyes widened in panic as her worst fears were confirmed. “Stop that.” Natasha ordered as she watched the brown eyed girl slowly dissolve in panic.

“Stop _what_? Worrying about you?” Camellia shot back, she was weaponizing her sadness, turning it into anger. The therapist she had stopped going to months ago had warned her not to do this. She knew she had a tendency to protect herself by hurting those around her. She wished she could stop, but it was as if she had left her body and was just watching herself on autopilot.

“Yes. Stop it.” Natasha rolled her eyes and crossed her arms as she frowned at her soulmate.

“Why are you being such a dick?” Now she was really mad, she was worried about her girlfriend. Why was Natasha being so difficult? She just wanted to keep her safe. Why couldn’t she understand that her soulmate dying would destroy her?

“Camellia, listen to me.” She walked over to sit on the couch beside her soulmate, reaching over to place her hands on her unbelievably frail soulmates shoulders. “You’re worried over nothing. I’ve been doing this since I was little. I’ve never even come close to dying.” It was true, she had gotten into a bunch of sticky situations, but even when she got shot by The Winter Soldier she hadn’t come close to dying.

“I am not worried over nothing!” Camellia shouted, smacking Natasha’s hands from her shoulders and jumping to her feet to stand a few feet away from her soulmate. She didn’t want to be anywhere near her soulmate. Natasha’s touch always soothed her and right now she wanted to be mad.

“You’re worrying yourself to death over me. You’ve lost weight! You’re hardly sleeping. Your grades have dropped.” Natasha gestured to Camellias frail form, she had been deliciously soft when the two had first met, now her elbows were pointed and her hipbones jutted out. Her collarbones were entirely too angular and her once soft face now was all hard edges. Her once warm eyes sank back into her face and her lips were constantly chapped. Natasha wasn’t sure why she hadn’t stood up sooner, her soulmate had withered away in just under a month and it was all her fault.

“How dare you say I’m worried over nothing! How fucking dare you! You don’t even know me, you don’t know how close to home this hits for me. You have no fucking right!” Camellia hissed at Natasha, she didn’t mean what she said, though, it wasn’t entirely untrue. There were lot’s of things she hadn’t told Natasha, she figured she’d have more time to eventually tell her.

“If I don’t ‘know’ you it’s because you haven’t told me anything.” Now Natasha was mad, she knew Camellia was hiding things from her, they’d been together for around two months and had been dating for one of them, she figured her soulmate would tell her with time.

The brunette’s eyes narrowed, “Not telling you anything? That’s rich coming from my soulmate, the spy.” She felt immediate regret, her chest ached as she watched Natasha’s face fall. A mask she had never seen her soulmate use was slipped over her pale features, the cold look in her eyes causing tears to well in Camellia’s eyes.

“I came over here as a courtesy to you, I wasn’t actually supposed to tell anyone I was leaving.” Natasha said, her face stony as she got up from the couch and headed to the door.

“Please, don’t go. Please, don’t leave me.” Camellia whispered, but Natasha was already out the door.

She collapsed onto the ground, feeling her knees scrape on the old hardwood floors. She thought to crawl into her bedroom, knowing that her brother would be home soon but she couldn’t find it in herself to do so.

An hour later she was still on the floor, taking shaky breaths in between hiccups and sobs. Her brother strutted through the door, whistling as he did so. She could hear the familiar rustling of takeout bags, the scent of Chinese food hit her like a bus causing her stomach to turn.

“ _Camellia! ¿Es inicio, dolor en mi culo?_ ” He called.

“In here, Carlos.” She croaked, her voice raspy. Her throat ached and her eyes felt dry, she felt like shit.

He stepped into the living room, crouching down beside her balled up form. “I’ll make you some tea and we’ll talk about it.” He said with a sigh, running his hands through his mop of dark curls.

Once he had made her some tea with honey and milk he convinced her to crawl up onto the couch. The two sat in relative silence, Camellia sat wrapped in a blanket while she poked aggressively at her beef and broccoli.

“What’s wrong?” Her older brother asked, shooting her the same look their mother gave them.

Camellia groaned. “ _Everything is wrong- I don’t know how to fix it_.” She whimpered in her native tongue.

“Problems with your _vieja_?” He asked sympathetically.

That caused her to start incoherently babbling in a mixture of English and Spanish, explaining the situation to her brother.

“I just don’t know what to do. It’s like Jairo all over again.” She cried, hurrying her face into her brother’s shoulder as he held her.

He sighed and stroked her hair. “She’s right, _Calaca_. You look like shit.”

“ _Pendejo_.” She grumbled in warning.

Carlos shook his head, “But it’s not Jairo all over again, is it? Your, _Natasha_ ,” He said her name with mild disdain, “works for the government, no? She’s not in a gang.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Natasha, he liked her just fine. He just didn’t like what she had done to his sister. Camellia has been so happy when they’d first met, her head completely in the clouds as she basked in the feeling of new love. Now she was a shell of herself.

“She may as well be.” Camellia argued, sitting up to glare at her brother. “But worse, her enemies aren’t dumb nineteen year olds. They’re politicians, organizations, governments.”

“She’s made it this long, I think she can protect herself.” He pointed out.

“Carlos! What do you not get? I will not lose anyone else that I care for.” She stumbled over the words in English, her emotions taking over causing her head to pound.

“By arguing with her over this you’re losing her already.” He said gently. “You need to tell her about Jairo.”

“I lose everyone to guns.” She whimpered, looking down helplessly. To accent her statement the popping of gunfire could be heard in the distance, causing both of them to jump.

Carlos immediately jumped up and closed their curtains, making sure to turn all the lights off as well. They were in a second story apartment but it was always better safe than sorry.

As he retook his seat next to his sister he let out a strangled noise of frustration. “Jairo made his choice. I didn’t guide him like a big brother should, I didn’t fight for him. I failed him and I think about it every day.” He stopped to let out a shaky breath. “Take my advice, don’t let her go over this.”

His baby sister looked up at him with watery eyes, “I failed him, too.” She said softly before starting to cry again.

The two sat in silence, comforting each other for another hour. Neither cared that their food was getting cold, they could only think about the sirens in the distance. Who was it this time? One day it would be Jairo in the newspaper, the tiny words below his picture stating that he was lost to gang violence.

The siblings knew that he was already lost, but the idea of it being final terrified them both.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I’m sorry. This is somewhat necessary to the plot.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is the only thing that keeps me writing, without it I get discouraged.


End file.
